


the true monster is the one that wears your face

by meng_ren



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers AU, Howon is Banner, Infinite members are Avengers, M/M, Myungsoo is Romanov, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 11:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10763478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meng_ren/pseuds/meng_ren
Summary: The two of them couldn't have been any more different. One was a scientist with anger issues. The other was a repentant assassin. The only thing they shared was the blood of innocents on their hands. Yet when Howon goes on a rampage, Myungsoo is the only one who can stop him.[Avengers! AU]





	the true monster is the one that wears your face

**Author's Note:**

> In response to the following prompt:
> 
>  **Pairing(s)/Member:** Howon/Myungsoo  
>  **Prompt:** Hulk!Howon is running wild, and only Black Widow!Myungsoo can calm him down. The Avengers AU.  
>  **Preferred Rating:** Any  
>  **Bonus:** Action scenes; and maybe sassy Iron Man!Sunggyu too haha  
>  **Please exclude:** Bad/Open Ending :(
> 
>  
> 
> ****
> 
>   
>  **\---**   
> 
> 
> My thanks to Annie for serving as a beta on this fic. Some lines of dialogue come from Marvel, if you can spot them. 

Myungsoo was the first one who didn’t flinch, and that never ceased to amaze Howon, no matter how long they had been dating.

He later learned the reason why, and Howon was heartbroken when he realized why Myungsoo acted the way he did, but that never detracted from the initial amazement. Howon was never loved, in any social circle. He was the Boogeyman, or at least the press had nicknamed him, and he was astonished at how fast he had become a global pariah. He, _Lee Howon, nuclear scientist and genius,_ had become a creature for nighttime stories.

“Go to sleep or the monstrous, green-skinned man with the sharp teeth will eat you,” Howon often tried to joke, but the attempt at humor fell on deaf ears. 

Everybody around him remained deathly afraid of him, and they were the ones in the right. Howon was capable of transforming into a enormous, hulking figure, three meters in height, capable of lifting a hundred tons with a single hand. He had bulldozed through entire cities, cleaved his way through various armies, and burrowed through mountains. When he was mad, thousands died. Nobody could have stood in his way. Everybody was in danger.

But Myungsoo didn’t flinch. 

They first met in a remote village nestled in the crest of the Himalayan mountains. Howon had picked that place for several reasons. First, there were no major population centers for miles around. Second, Howon had found that the thin mountain air was one of the few things that slowed down the Boogeyman. The monster inside Howon usually needed to breathe, though even that changed depending on his anger. So Howon found his little village where he provided medical services to people that needed his help and didn’t know his face.

Until Myungsoo showed up one evening, knocking at his door. 

“Dr. Lee? Dr. Lee Howon? Are you there?” Said a man’s voice, and when Howon opened the door, there was a slim, attractive man his age standing there. Howon felt his cheeks redden slightly at the sight, noting the stranger’s tight leather pants and jacket, but otherwise welcomed the guest in.

“You’re alone?” Howon had said, turning to look around the remote cottage. He could see nobody for miles around, but sight was now deceptive. He would know, having created modern-day invisibility technology.

“Yes, Doctor,” said the man, reaching out his hand. He didn’t flinch when Howon shook it either, and the scientist marvelled internally. Here was a man, coming to him, and not running away in terror. There had to be a catch. _There is always a catch._

Howon let the man in, sitting across from him at a rickety table. “I should know who you are, first.”

“I’m Kim Myungsoo,” said the man, fixing dark eyes on Howon. “I come from SHIELD.”

Howon scoffed, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “You’re not the first. Several of them have come before, though not here, and they always think they can negotiate with me. That a gift here, and a kind word there, will convince me to join forces. Do you know how the other man inside me responds to them?” He fixed his own eyes in turn, watching for any sign of flickering or wavering. The man would be running away soon.

Myungsoo responded with neither overconfidence nor fear. He shifted his posture in an attempt to disarm, scooting forward towards Howon instead of leaning away. “Tell me, doctor.”

“He eats them,” said Howon. “That’s why the Director never shows up. Because he’d be in pieces. You don’t negotiate with the Boogeyman. You keep him far away, and you pray you never find him.”

The other man shook his head. “You’re rushing to assumptions,” he said, in a voice of earnest persuasion. “I never said I was looking for him, did I? SHIELD wants _you_.”

“They thought that once, before,” Howon said. “They meant well, but it didn’t work. They set me up in an office in the Raft, allowed me to do my research in peace, and thought they could keep an eye on me. The big guy doesn’t like to be cooped up. The gesture was kind, but it ended poorly.”

“I wasn’t sent to put you in a cage, Doctor Lee,” said Myungsoo, with a young man’s naivete. “SHIELD needs you, and only you. We’re dealing with an alien threat, and you’re the best man on the planet when it comes to interdimensional physics. SHIELD only wants you for your intellect, nothing else.”

“SHIELD has tried to kill me,” Howon said. “It’s hard to be trusting.”

“I know the feeling,” said Myungsoo, still keeping his emotions cool. “I didn’t start my career working at SHIELD.”

Howon paused, peering at the younger man. “Do I know you somehow?”

“I had a codename with them too. They called me ‘the Spider’ the same way they called you “the Boogeyman’,” said Myungsoo, watching as Howon now stood up to pace around the room.

“How is it, working with SHIELD? Salary, healthcare, dental benefits?” Howon gave a smirk, now walking around the table. He was soon standing behind Myungsoo, where the other man had a blind spot, yet the other man didn’t move a muscle. SHIELD’s previous assassins were not nearly this calm and composed. 

“The reward of saving Earth is valuable enough. The Chitauri, HYDRA, the Hand—these are all enemies that SHIELD deals with,” said Myungsoo.

“Along with a certain green-skinned monster,” said Howon, now facing Myungsoo. 

“You can’t say we’re being unreasonable,” said Myungsoo, with a frown.

“The other man disagrees,” said Howon, standing up and fixing his face into a snarl. But his attempt at eliciting fear or surprise failed utterly.

“But do you?” Myungsoo asked, turning to look at Howon with large eyes. 

Howon squirmed, and he felt a faint sensation of interest. The younger man wasn’t a small man–Myungsoo was taller but thinner than Howon—but he should have been a weak man. Yet here he was, talking to Howon, maintaining the same tempo in his voice, and Howon didn’t understand. He was a scientist, and Howon’s life had been one great cycle of observation and analysis, yet he couldn’t give an explanation for what this man was doing just now.

“It’s not up to me,” said Howon, trying to retake control of the conversation. “It’s up to SHIELD whether a lot of people die.”

“I know,” came the response, soft, and Howon responded with force.

“Then why are you here!” Howon yelled, slamming his hand against the table. It was a feint. He wasn’t about to transform. But Howon knew from experience, too many times, that primal fear was one of the few things that elicited utter truth in any situation. 

He expected a reaction. Too many people had responded to his anger by drawing guns or worse, but Howon always survived. He could thank the Boogeyman for that.

Myungsoo crossed his legs, tapped his boots together, and fixed Howon with another stare.

“Do you want my answer?” Myungsoo said, and the way he said those words sparked wonder from Howon, who wanted to ask his own questions.

“You’re not scared,” Howon said flatly. “You haven’t even reached for backup.”

“I’ve read the reports,” Myungsoo said with a frown. “You’re an unstoppable force. You don’t know what moderation is. If you wanted me dead, there would be absolutely nothing I could do to stop you.”

Howon turned away. “It was a cruel joke. I apologize,” he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth, but instead of accepting his apology, Myungsoo continued to speak.

“And do you know why SHIELD reached out to you?” Myungsoo said, not waiting for further response. “It’s because I asked the Director. I told the Director that there was a brilliant nuclear scientist out there, who has all the scientific answers we need, if we would just give him a chance. And I told SHIELD that there might not be a conventional solution, but we could do something, anything. If I need to fly out to the Himalayas and hand you research papers, I would. As long as hope exists.”

There was determination in Myungsoo’s eyes right now, Howon realized, and also something else. Some form of sadness, perhaps? Regret?

“I don’t save people, under any condition. You know more about the Boogeyman’s deeds than I do. But do you know this?” Howon said, turning on the younger man. “You’re wrong to think there’s a monster inside of me. He’s not a separate personality—he’s the other half of my personality! Everything he’s done, I’ve done. Do you know what it’s like to kill hundreds of people?” 

“Yes,” said Myungsoo, eyes wide, staring up, and Howon realized how vulnerable this other man was. It would be so easy to put a hand on the other man’s throat and snap it, right here, but Howon couldn’t.

“Why would you believe in me? You’ve never even met me,” Howon said, turning his back on the other man.

“Because I’ve lived your story a hundred times,” said Myungsoo.

Howon turned his head, trying to see what the other man was seeing. Myungsoo continued to stand there, now extending a hand in conciliation. And Howon took Myungsoo’s hand, and it was the warmest touch he ever felt.

****

**\---**

Their relationship started before either of them realized what was happening.

It had started sexually, first of all, and it had been such a release. Howon had spent years by himself without any physical intimacy, before meeting Myungsoo. After all, who _wanted_ to be in physical contact with the man who turned into a monster? Nobody would take the risk, even if Howon let down his guard for a second to allow himself the comfort of another person’s arms.

Myungsoo was again the first, and Howon couldn’t figure out why.

He supposed the younger man had some sort of death wish, the first night he had arrived. It was aboard the SHIELD helicarrier, in an isolated ward used for containing high-powered supervillains. Howon’s quarters were made of reinforced steel, augmented by force-fields, with an escape hatch jettisoning him into the Pacific Ocean if SHIELD grew anxious about him. Here, he could spend his time working on his particle physics and his quantum mechanics.

And then one night, Myungsoo showed up inside his quarters, carrying a lunchbox in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other.

“I would have knocked, but you wouldn’t have heard it through the concrete,” Myungsoo had said, and Howon reluctantly let him in. They shared a small, comfortable meal inside Howon’s chamber, with the scientist sitting on the bed and Myungsoo sitting close-legged on the floor.

“Is this going to be regular thing?” Howon took a bite of the sandwich Myungsoo had made. In truth, he no longer needed to eat as a biological function, but the gesture reminded him that he was very much human.

“Would you like it to be?” Myungsoo said, slightly hesitantly, and it took a few seconds for Howon to realize Myungsoo was flirting.

“You wish it were so,” Howon said, in realization. “Why? I barely know you. We’ve just met.”

It was Myungsoo’s time to turn away, in slight embarrassment, cheeks tinged with red. “Yes, but I think I want to know you more.”

“To psycho-analyze the monster? I told you, Myungsoo, you’re talking to him right now,” said Howon, voice rising. He wasn’t actually angry—he hadn’t had a lapse in control for over a year now—and he was not seeking Myungsoo’s reaction either. But he wanted to show his frustration, to this strangely-determined man.

“Just you,” replied Myungsoo. “I want to know more about you.”

“I swear, if you’re just going to send this back to SHIELD—” Howon started.

“I’m not. Please, doctor,” said Myungsoo, eyes downcast. “It’s just for me, purely.”

Myungsoo seemed honest enough. Howon crossed his arms over his chest. “Then ask away.”

“Is it lonely here, by yourself? I can come more often,” Myungsoo said.

“I have company,” Howon answered, and that could have been the end of the conversation. It would have been, for ninety-nine percent of the people Howon had ever conversed with. But Myungsoo remained.

“Two can be a lonely number,” Myungsoo said, bordering on flirting again, and Howon did smile to himself.

“Yes, but there’s so much for me to do. Half the time, I’m too busy to be lonely. I’ve got my gamma radiation and aleph numbers and cell replication to work on. It’s not easy being Doctor Lee Howon,” he said, now leaning on his bed to look at Myungsoo. The younger man was still on the floor, sipping from a bottle of sparkling water, and Howon could see every bob of Myungsoo’s throat.

“What types of science do you exactly do, doctor?” Myungsoo asked, raising an eye.

“All of them,” Howon answered with a smirk, and Myungsoo gave a smile, but then the younger man still pressed on.

“And why?”

Howon frowned at the question, shading his eyes. “It’s—it’s what science is supposed to do, right? Not completely—there’s science for science’s sake, and math for math’s sake—but it’s supposed to help people,” said Howon, now beginning to open up. “You might already know this, hell, you probably know SHIELD’s intel better than I do, but I was just content to be a scientist at first. I got my doctorate when I was young, because I was a genius after all, and I worked for some companies that are now under international blacklists, for selling weapons to third-world dictators or for unethical experimentation, and I thought that was fine. We were pushing the limits of scientific progress.”

“Onto other people,” said Myungsoo.

Howon nodded. “I wasn’t a pawn. I knew what was going on, when I experimented on myself with gamma radiation. But I didn’t know what would happen next. I didn’t come to my senses until two weeks after the experiment, and by then there were dozens of people already dead,” he said, voice strained.

“I’m sorry,” Myungsoo whispered, eyes still fixed.

“Why?” Howon said with a cynical snort. “Say that to the families of all the people that I killed.”

“I’m saying it to you,” Myungsoo said, voice rising as well. “You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t want this. And even if it were your fault, and I won’t say it was, you’re a victim too.”

It was Howon’s turn to stare again, watching this man again closely. _Those eyes,_ Howon thought briefly, and he forced himself to continue talking before something happened outside of his control again.

“The other fellow can’t help anybody, you see,” said Howon. “But the doctor can. There’s a part of me that is smart, and might cure cancer, and might discover ways to travel to other dimensions, and then there’s the other part of me that would tear it all down. I don’t want to say that my good deeds make up for the bad ones, but I hope somebody else can weigh those deeds and think well of me.”

“But when would you stop?” Myungsoo inquired, and the man’s deep and calm voice was sending shivers up Howon’s back. “When would you sit back and tell yourself that all of your research makes up for the other deeds?”

Howon closed his eyes. “When the other man goes to sleep.”

Myungsoo left him alone that night. But he continued to visit. Socializing. Asking how Howon’s day went. Talking about personal interests, in terms of television or movies or literature. And they were soon talking about their pasts, their futures, and their newly-shared present.

Only once did Howon ask Myungsoo to elaborate, as the doctor tried to learn more about his opposite number.

“What did you mean, that you know what it’s like to kill hundreds?” Howon had asked, gently, even as he watched Myungsoo bristle. 

The other man answered without making eye contact with Howon. “I used to be a super-soldier, Howon. I was trained to kill, and to be the world’s best assassin. And I was. Howon, I have a ledger of red out there, and it’s ugly.”

Myungsoo clenched his eyes shut, and for a brief second, Howon could have sworn he heard the other man say “I’m a monster” quietly and under his breath.

But Howon did not raise the topic further. The very mention of his past seemed to tire Myungsoo, and the older man had no interest in going further.

One night later, when Myungsoo showed up again, Howon didn’t even bother greeting him. Before Myungsoo knew it—though Howon was certainly in control of himself—the two of them were on Howon’s bed. 

Howon took the initiative that first night they shared a bed, kissing Myungsoo on the lips, almost ripping the younger man’s clothing off, before he bothered asking how the other man wanted it. Myungsoo, surprisingly gentle, put a hand to Howon’s cheek.

“I’ll let you be in control then,” Myungsoo said, but even so, Howon hesitated.

“You’re not … worried?” Howon asked, and Myungsoo threw his head back with a laugh.

“Worried?” He grabbed and reached for Howon’s head for another kiss, gasping when it was broken. “ _You_ are the only man on my mind right now.”

“That’s good enough for me,” Howon said, now rolling onto his back. “No, I’ll let _you_ decide how it goes.”

Myungsoo came back the next day. And the day after that. And even the days Howon when was actually busy with his work, so the younger man could not stay the entire night.

The nights were what Howon lived for. 

Myungsoo wasn’t hesitant even from that first night, when he stripped Howon and slowly eased himself into the other man. The two of them quickly found which positions made each other feel the best, Howon on his hands and knees when Myungsoo entered him, or with Howon on his back while Myungsoo straddled him. 

Everything was a new experience for Howon too, being with this man who had no fear of him. Everyone looked at him like he was a ticking time bomb or a monster cloaked under thin human skin, except for Myungsoo, this forward and eager man. It was all happening too soon. One of them should have stood up and said they were going too fast.

It would need to be Myungsoo though, for Howon was too drunk on Myungsoo to ever say no. The younger man was never in control, no, but he had the initiative, moving his body in ways that made Howon feel good. And Howon soon knew he could give everything up for this man. Myungsoo, the man who could make him feel good. Myungsoo, the man who only saw Doctor Lee. 

Many nights later, when Howon watched Myungsoo sleeping cat-like on his bed, he asked himself when exactly he had fallen in love with the younger man.

He reached out a hand and brushed the hair out of Myungsoo’s eyes.

“Myungsoo, would you trust me if I was outside this cage?” Howon murmured.

The other man, still half-asleep, nonetheless answered cogently. “I’d trust you anywhere, Howon,” Myungsoo said, before rolling onto his side.

“I think I’m ready to leave, then,” Howon said aloud, half to himself and half to Myungsoo. “I’ve been on the Helicarrier for weeks. I’d like to meet the Avengers.”

****

**\---**

He couldn’t have met the rest of them without Myungsoo. There were five others, Howon knew, and they all lived up to their reputations.

Each of them had various code names officially used by SHIELD. But the members all knew each other by name.

Lee Sungyeol was the Titan, the self-proclaimed “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist” with his iron battlesuit and witty sense of humor. 

Lee Sungjong was the Sharpshooter, whose wit was as quick as his draw of a bow, though he was skilled with any projectile weapon that existed.

Jang Dongwoo was the Captain, who might have been small in size, but his strength had been augmented decades ago by a super-serum.

Nam Woohyun was the Prince, royalty from another planet but now sworn to defend Earth.

And Kim Sunggyu was the Director of SHIELD, laying out grand plans which were carried out tactically by the members.

None of them were enthused to see Howon in their midst. After all, they had fought him. Numerous times. Even though the Avengers never succeeded in killing him, they had often succeeded in fighting him off and forcing him to flee. But Myungsoo was the one who changed their minds, getting on his knees before the other five and begging them to at least meet him.

“Are you trying to join us?” Sunggyu had asked Howon warily. “We don’t exactly take applications.”

“I can help,” Howon had started awkwardly. “I can make up for what I’ve done. You said you’re facing an alien threat, right?”

Dongwoo, far more willing to trust and believe in people, was the first one to start opening up. “We could use a little brute force. There are Chitauri portals opening up, all around the globe. There’s nothing permanent, nothing that could lead to New York a second time, but it takes effort to shut each down.”

“And I saw your proposals to shut down the portals instantaneously, in contrast to our clunky energy-based methods. Vibranium isotopes, really?” It was Sungyeol speaking, eyes bright with technological ambition. He was the only man there who matched Howon in scientific expertise, and was already looking for cooperation. “It’s a dangerous, radical, and unprecedented idea. I love it. Let’s give it a shot.”

Sungjong and Woohyun looked unconvinced.

“Did everybody forget that Howon is called the Boogeyman for a reason?” Sungjong asked first, raising his voice from the back.

“Sure, let’s let the two-ton behemoth into our team. What could go wrong?” Woohyun scowled.

It was their leader who broke the tie. “You get one shot, Doctor Lee,” said Sunggyu, “We’ll put you in the back of the team. You don’t transform unless I give you permission, or you’re out. And once you’re in the field, you are not to harm any of the Avengers, or you’re out. And once we’re done with the mission, you need to bring yourself back under control, or you’re out. Is that understood?”

Howon nodded.

Sunggyu also nodded, before turning to Myungsoo. “If this messes up, it’s on you, Agent Kim.”

Myungsoo was happy with that arrangement, as he would tell his boyfriend. The night before their first mission, Myungsoo and Howon shared yet another night in their quarters, lying together on the bed. 

“Thanks for convincing them,” Howon had admitted, somewhat sheepishly. “I didn’t think Dongwoo and Sungyeol would have come around so easily.”

“It wasn’t hard,” Myungsoo said, spooning Howon from behind. He reached out a hand to drape over Howon’s waist. “Dongwoo is a trusting person, and Sungyeol owes me.”

Howon raised an eyebrow. “Owes you what?”

“He’s sort-of my ex,” Myungsoo said, now feeling somewhat embarrassed.

“Lee Sungyeol, who dates a different model every week, and once created a fusion reactor while trying to work off a hangover?”

“He chased after me for more than a week. We were—” and Myungsoo paused, frowning. “Anyway, it didn’t work out between us. It could have, if the Avengers and SHIELD and his family business didn’t get in the way, but it ultimately didn’t work.”

“I’m beginning to note a pattern in your choice of men, even in a sample size of two,” Howon said analytically.

“Which is?”

“Self-destructive assholes,” said Howon in jest, causing Myungsoo to groan. 

They settled into the nullity of silence again, quietly listening to each other. The two of them were still sore from another night together, and the sweat on their bodies had not cooled off yet. It was more comfortable to stay still and contemplate.

“You shouldn’t be worried about tomorrow, you know,” Myungsoo said, to break the silence. “It’s not easy to bring yourself back, but you’ve done it before.”

“It’s a slow process,” Howon murmured, still staring off into the darkness. “I don’t know how it will work.”

“Do you think I could do anything?”

“You mean bring me back?”

“To calm you down,” said Myungsoo, now nuzzling one of Howon’s shoulder blades.

“I don’t know,” Howon said flatly. “I’ve never tried it before.”

Myungsoo gave a little murmur of agreement, before closing his eyes. “I think I can do it. You know me.”

“You think your life means more to him than all of those other lives I’ve taken?”

“I think I mean more to _you_ ,” said Myungsoo, but sleep was already overtaking him. He gave a yawn, and Howon could feel the other man shift into sleep.

Howon didn’t need sleep any more, not since the experiment, so he spent the rest of the night awake, listening to the sounds of Myungsoo’s loud breathing.

****

**\---**

“I think we could use some help right now, Sungjong.”

“You don’t think, Dongwoo?”

Dongwoo dodged yet another energy blast, as three more arrows came arcing past him to lodge in the chest of a Chitauri warrior. He took the time to run forward, slicing his shield through an enemy warrior, before using it to block the blow of an axe.

“And what about my suggestion?” It was Sungyeol now, flying backwards through the air as two levitating Chitauri gunships pursued him. Sungyeol fired a blast of plasma from his suit, striking one, yet the other ship continued to fire at him. He flew up into the air again, zigzagging through the sky to throw it off.

“The big guy?” It was Woohyun, in hand-to-hammer combat with two more Chitauri soldiers. “I disagree. I think we’ve got everything under control.” He swiped the legs out from one of them, while another one of Sungjong’s arrows killed the other.

“I think it’s a good plan. We’ve never had to deal with three different portals open in one location,” said Sungyeol, flying around a strand of trees for cover. “And we’re not in a civilian-populated area.”

“Two leaps and the big guy will be in a civilian-populated area,” retorted Sungjong. He momentarily reloaded his quiver, scoping out the forest for civilians from his perch in the trees.

“Yet we’re no more closer to closing the portal then we were ten minutes ago,” said Dongwoo, throwing his shield in a spiral that slammed through two more Chitauri. “What’s Myungsoo doing with the anti-portal lance?”

Sungjong set his scope back towards the bulk of the SHIELD force, where soldiers were loading the weapons. He spotted Myungsoo there, wielding two pistols and taking out each Chitauri with a single exploding bullet. The doctor was next to him, holding the vibranium lance.

“He’s with the doctor,” said Sungjong, turning back and letting another arrow fly through the air to take out the pilot of a Chitauri gunship. 

“I still think our plan is fine,” Woohyun said, flying through the air with a Chitauri warrior in hand before throwing the insectoid to the ground. “Just tell Myungsoo to get the lance here, and we can try to shut down the portals.”

“There’s at least a hundred Chitauri between us and Myungsoo, and I have my hands full—ooph, that hurt!” Sungyeol spoke, before getting hit by a blast of plasma. “Not in the back, I can’t scratch my back. Anyways, what does the boss say?”

Dongwoo was the one with the link to Sunggyu, and he spoke into his communicator. “Alright, boss, how do you want this to go? You’re sensing additional reinforcements moving through the portals? You’re sure you want him? Affirmative. Roger that.” He turned towards the other Avengers, remaining on his communicator. “Sunggyu approves. Myungsoo, let the good doctor know his services aren’t requested at this time.”

Sungjong turned towards the SHIELD rendezvous point, where Myungsoo was still firing at the Chitauri soldiers. And then he suddenly watched as a large green figure appeared, knocking boxes of ammunition out of the way and plowing through a cluster of Chitauri fighters.

“Well, Dongwoo, Sungyeol, you said you wanted extra muscle. You got it,” said Woohyun, watching from the air. 

Even the other Chitauri turned towards the spectacle of the enormous humanoid figure. Every energy blast seemed to bounce harmlessly off of the creature’s chest. One swipe of Howon’s hands sent another Chitauri flying. When Howon punched another Chitauri, the sheer force dismembered it in an instant. And he was fast, too, racing through the forest as more Chitauri continued to fire at him or try to cut him with bladed weapons. The efforts all failed. When the Chitauri creatures swarmed around him, Howon responded by ripping a tree out by its roots and using it to batter more of the alien warriors.

“Seems effective.” Dongwoo mused, before taking up the fight again and knocking down a nearby Chitauri with a kick.

“In the short-term,” said Sungjong, rolling his eyes. He dropped his bow for a second, picking up a sniper rifle and firing two bullets into another Chitauri soldier. “In the meantime, the portals are open and I don’t see that vibranium lance that’s suppose to close them.”

“Give Myungsoo time,” said Sungyeol, now on the ground and zapping two enemy soldiers with a single blast from his chest-mounted weapon. “And the big man is taking the pressure off from us.”

That statement was true, even Woohyun noted, as the Chitauri began to turn their attention towards the largest enemy there. And their efforts meant for naught. Howon grabbed another Chitauri and broke it in two over his knee, before hurling a nearby stone through a Chitauri airship.

The Avengers soon saw Myungsoo behind Howon, currently wielding throwing knives to slice through one Chitauri or another. When Myungsoo ran out of those, he picked up his handguns again, firing shot after shot and dropping Chitauri instantly. When a Chitauri attempted to sneak up on Myungsoo, the man vaulted backwards into the air to land behind it instead, before slicing it in half with another knife.

“Myungsoo’s got the vibranium blade strapped to his back, and Howon seems like he can handle himself,” said Sungjong. 

“Let’s clear up these Chitauri before they can steal the fun. Right, team?” Dongwoo said in jest, and the four of them went back to fighting.

Myungsoo managed to reach them a few minutes later, hardly breaking a sweat. Howon was now half a mile away, still ripping through a squad of Chitauri. And when Myungsoo reached the clearing, he saw the other Avengers had cleared the Chitauri present.

“Are you disappointed?” Woohyun said, now surveying the scene and pausing. All of the Chitauri had now left to deal with Howon.

“I’d prefer to leave the bulk of the fighting to the heavy hitters,” said Myungsoo, now unstrapping the vibranium lance from his back. “So we just need to use this lance and poke the interdimensional portal, and it closes instantly?”

“I can do it,” said Sungyeol, now levitating in front of Myungsoo. He grabbed the lance and soared into the air. The other Avengers watched as Sungyeol approached the portals floating in mid-air. Two Chitauri briefly floated out of one portal, only for Sungyeol to blast them apart. Once the scene was clear, Sungyeol made three quick stabbing motions with the vibranium lance. As soon as the spearhead touched the portal, the shimmering blue gate closed instantly.

Sungjong continued to watch Howon’s fight with the Chitauri, but the insectoid warriors swarming instantly ceased moving. And then it was just the green man, standing around.

“Is he supposed to go back to normal?” Woohyun said skeptically. “Because it looks right now like Howon’s still in his monster form, and he’s getting closer, and—oh, shit.”

The resulting boom could have ruptured an eardrum as Howon leaped into their midst, sending shockwaves with the landing.

“Okay, Howon, you should probably calm down,” Woohyun said, holding his hands up in a gesture of conciliation.

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” came the response, in a deep grumble, and Woohyun gave a yelp. But when Howon prepared to jump, Woohyun moved first, and they met in mid-air. Their punches landed on each other simultaneously, but Woohyun was sent flying back far further than Howon, who soon leapt to his feet.

Sungjong put two arrows into Howon’s back, loaded unbeknownst to the others with SHIELD’s most powerful tranquilizer. They were supposed to work instantly, but had no effect. Howon snatched the third arrow out of the air and threw it back, forcing Sungjong to dodge his own arrow.

“What did I say guys?” He groaned. Sungyeol came to his rescue, firing another bolt of plasma as Dongwoo leapt into the fray. Howon attempted to punch Dongwoo, but the blow only reached Dongwoo’s shield and the momentum was absorbed instantly. But not the kick, as Howon managed to knee Dongwoo in the side and send him flying.

“Myungsoo, it’d be nice right now if you could calm Howon down,” said Sungyeol, flying around in the air and dodging Howon as the green creature leapt into the air. Sungyeol escaped the first jump, but the second time, Howon managed to snatch him from the sky and throw him down to the ground.

“Howon!” Myungsoo yelled, finally sensing an opening. Woohyun was injured, Dongwoo was still taking a guarded stance, Sungyeol and his suit were buried in dirt, and Sungjong had wisely decided to stay away from fighting the superhumans.

And Howon indeed paused, just for a second, turning his enormous, monstrous face towards Myungsoo. Pausing, not stopping, but instead scanning Myungsoo’s face and breathing heavily.

“Howon.” Myungsoo said firmly, as the other Avengers looked at him, expecting their remaining member to calm down the enormous figure, saying something like ‘Calm down’ or ‘I know you’re in there, Howon.’

But he said nothing of that like.

“Howon,” said Myungsoo again, calmly, with an inquisitive look on his face instead of a hostile one. “It’s good to finally meet you.”

The other Avengers each seemed to raise an eyebrow, but none of them said anything as they watched.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Howon. About this side of you. How you’ve hurt people. Destroyed them. And I can’t or won’t forgive you for that, but I’m not meeting you to judge you,” said Myungsoo, now stepping forward even as the giant towered to more than twice his height. “I want to know this side of you, just as I want to know the other side of you. You’ve said it yourself. There’s only one Howon, with two sides, and I want to know both. So thank you for letting me meet you, so I can see all of you with my own eyes.”

None of the other Avengers were breathing right now, watching as Myungsoo and Howon made eye contact. The younger man was tiny, dwarfed by the older man, but nonetheless steeling himself.

“I don’t know if you’ll remember this, Howon. I know you’ll return to normal, and I hope I can see you again, but I know you’ll need to make peace with yourself, and I know I can’t give you that. But even if you leave now, I’ll be glad that I got to see all of you,” Myungsoo said, still staring. And then he reached up a hand to touch Howon—

Only for the man to grab Myungsoo by the throat, a single hand being more than enough to wrap around Myungsoo’s neck. A single pressed thumb would have crushed Myungsoo’s windpipe.

And the younger man continued to stare at Howon’s eyes, not flinching.

“Stupid.” Howon said with a grunt, peering even closer.

And Myungsoo closed his eyes, nuzzling Howon’s hand, the one about to kill him.

Howon let go, as if his hand was in pain, and he was stumbling backwards. But as he did so, his skin was rapidly changing color and he was shrinking, shrinking. And then Doctor Lee Howon was there, on the ground, his shirt long gone and his pants ripped. 

Myungsoo offered the doctor a hand up, and Howon took it.

****

**\---**

He shouldn’t have expected that he would avoid Myungsoo by talking to the people who had spent time killing him. Yet the next day, he huddled in the helicarrier’s canteen with Sungjong and Sungyeol instead of going to his quarters.

“So you’re Myungsoo’s new boyfriend? The one he’s been seeing for the past few months?” Sungyeol started asking first.

Howon momentarily wished that he could transform himself into putty instead of a monster, so he could slide down to the floor and slip away from this embarrassment. Instead, he merely nodded and stared at his food.

“You should talk to him, you know,” said Sungjong, sipping from a smoothie. “He’s probably hurt that you’re avoiding him.”

“It’s awkward,” Howon finally said, scratching the back of his head. “I remember everything he said. He poured out his soul.”

“That’s why you should talk to him,” continued Sungyeol, now eating a sandwich. “It makes up for the fact that you nearly killed him.”

“There’s no permanent hard feelings between us, right? You persuaded the Director to let me join the Avengers full-time,” Howon spoke first to Sungjong and then to Sungyeol.

“Listen, doctor,” said Sungyeol, looking at Howon with considerable admiration. “You’re one of the smartest people on the planet. You’re also dangerous. That’s fine. I work with dangerously-radioactive isotopes for fun. Danger doesn’t scare me. I can work with you. It might take a little longer for me to trust you.”

“And you?” Howon inquired of Sungjong.

“My average day involves hanging out with an alcoholic billionaire, an octogenarian super soldier, and a hammer-wielding alien prince. I can handle one more weirdo,” said Sungjong with nonchalance. 

Howon exhaled, and turned to look at the two men again, before sheepishly admitting something. “I have to ask, because you guys know Myungsoo the best, but is there a reason why Myungsoo isn’t afraid of anything? I assume it’s because of the super-soldier training, but he never tells me anything.”

“He hasn’t told you what’s in his ledger of red?”

Howon shook his head, and Sungjong continued.

“But you know Myungsoo once did a lot of bad things.”

And Howon nodded. “He’s not called the Spider for a positive reason.”

Sungyeol nodded and took over the line of questioning. “Okay, now Myungsoo’s only had two boyfriends. You and me. What do we have in common when it comes to our day-to-day life?”

“I do science. You sleep with models and throw parties.”

“A low blow. Not inaccurate. Okay, what do our jobs have in common?” Sungyeol said, smirking.

“Science?”

“You’re getting closer.”

Howon bit his lip, trying to think. “We help people?”

“Exactly,” said Sungyeol, leaning forward. “Whatever other flaws we have, whatever else we’ve done, we can always go back to the lab and create something that makes up for it. What does Myungsoo do?”

“He works for SHIELD. He doesn’t do anything else.”

“Exactly,” said Sungyeol, admiring his own intelligence. “Myungsoo is a trained killer, and he’s only a trained killer. Everything he can do to make up for his past involves applying those same skills he learned in his past. He can never break out of the cycle of violence. He can only change which direction it spins.”

Howon nodded, beginning to understand. “And it relates to Myungsoo’s fearlessness in what way? And how does it relate to me?”

Sungyeol shook his head, exasperated. “Myungsoo surely loves you, and you seem to love him too, but you don’t know anything about him.” He gave a sulking glare at Howon’s lack of comprehension before proceeding. 

“It’s all connected. Howon, the reason Myungsoo loved you and me is because we can make up for our bad deeds. Myungsoo can’t, or rather, he feels that he can’t. So he latches onto us, because we can represent everything out of his reach. It’s not healthy, hell, I’d tell him to get treatment if our entire team didn’t consist of weird eccentrics, but it’s all he has,” Sungyeol said gently, noting Howon’s horrified expression. Sungjong, who had been silent, was silently nodding.

“You think Myungsoo’s not afraid of death. He is. The problem is, Myungsoo thinks so little of himself that he doesn’t care if he dies. And I’d do anything, no matter how small, to build up Myungsoo’s sense of self-worth.” Sungyeol said, and Howon was shaking. “So that’s why you need to go to him.” 

Howon ran.

Myungsoo was still there, waiting, on the bed. So Howon pressed forward, seating himself on the younger man’s lap, kissing him as if he had just discovered the act. And Myungsoo’s mouth opened up for his, and the two of them were soon sprawled across the bed.

Myungsoo was looking up at him, with eyes bright with curiosity and uncertainty.

“I shouldn’t have avoided you,” Howon said, watching the insecurity fade from Myungsoo’s face.

“You’re here now, aren’t you?” Myungsoo responded with a smile.

“I’m here,” Howon responded, lacing his fingers with Myungsoo’s. His next words were silent, but he hoped Myungsoo heard them. _I’ll be here till you value yourself._

And it would be the two of them, together, until the monsters were gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to hear what you think! Feel free to leave a comment or reach out to me if you have any thoughts. You can also find me on Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/west_of_autumn).


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